Tonight I was going through my ancestry.com account looking up my genealogy, and I discovered a picture of my Grand Uncle Ted McCord. Dad had told me about him, and my thoughts were of Dad, and how I wished Dad were still alive to see this picture of his Uncle Ted. This picture of Ted is of a young man, perhaps taken before Dad himself was born. I wonder if Dad would have recognized his uncle Ted in this picture.
I have been thinking a lot about Dad. In fact, I think about Dad every day, and I often wake up from dreams about Dad, and increasingly, Mom as well.
I often find myself thinking about Dad when I make discoveries like this. My first thoughts upon finding this picture was wondering how Dad would have reacted.
So many years I spent with Dad, from back when Mom and Dad were going to split up and he and I spent a lot of time together during their separation. When Mom got cancer, he went back to her, and then after she died and I was soon thereafter diagnosed with my own cancer he became my world. This continued until he had open heart surgery in 2000 and went into a multi-month coma after an infection, and then I was his caregiver for the remaining 15 years of his life.
I was thinking tonight about how my life for so long as been defined by my reationship with Dad, and even now Dad’s shadow hangs over me. It will be a long time, if ever, that Dad is not a mental ghost in my mind. I suppose it depends on how long I live, and what happens in my life, how Dad will be a factor in my life. If I make it to 88, Dad’s death age, what role will Dad’s memory play?
I should look up the date on which I will be the same age as Dad was on the day he died, and if I make it to that point, I should have some sort of memorial on that date.
Dad’s 90th birthday comes on April 26, 2016. I an going to make Dad’s passing starting on Dad’s Birthday, moving on to Dad’s Death Day, and the finishing on Dad’s Funeral anniversary on May 8.